Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Too old for this shit.

   I was asked earlier where someone can get my music.  I said "all the usual internet sites and out of the boxes in my basement".  Turns out I was mostly wrong.  Apparently I let my contracts lapse with most of the usual internet sites so there's about one place you can download them now.

   "So I should fix that"...I thought for a moment.  No.  Screw it.  It's available at http://jeffersonfox.bandcamp.com and that's good enough.  If anybody finds it I'll be just tickled.  If they don't I'll be just tickled.

   You may ask yourself: "Why's this guy not more interested in promotion?" or say to yourself "maybe this is a ploy: some type of reverse psychology thing."  No.  I'm just not interested.  Bandcamp is easy and it's already done and the 400 ever-changing other sites that I don't want to update constantly just annoy me and I'm glad that shit expired.  I still like music, making music, and putting together things that resemble records.  Hell I might even do it again someday...but...I'm too old for this shit.  The internet and the Instant Gratification Nation have fucking exhausted me.  I don't have the time or the money to make another 'Animule' production happen and if I did I probably wouldn't because the only point in that would be to try to make a living at music and I don't want to tour enough to make that happen and I'm well aware that the depressing crap I write is not ever going to be "popular" so I'm not going to make a bunch of money at it.  Oh well.

   You may ask yourself: "If he knows the depressing crap he writes is never going to be popular, why doesn't he write less depressing crap?"  or say to yourself :  "He ought to just use a regular drummer and some electric guitars and make normal music."  And I would answer both those notions with "Why in the Hell would I make music that didn't feel was coming from my own heart and mind?"

   I used to really think that I wanted people to like my music and every now and again that happened.  These days I am rarely reminded by someone at work or in our circle of very few friends that those days ever existed.  I've been recording a lot since those days.  I like some of it very much.  I may release it to the internet.  I might press little shiny circles with those songs on them.  How will I sell them?  Probably not well.  I won't invest much in it because I understand that reality.  If the shit goes viral I'll print more.  And people can buy said shit at http://jeffersonfox.bandcamp.com

   Why tell you all of this?  There are a few people who just keep asking these questions.  Here's your answer:  I don't care at all who likes my music.  I don't care at all who listens to my music.  I'm recording these days so that my two girls may have these things to listen to when I'm dead and because I like listening to these songs.  I like the process of writing them.  It's really hard to want to spend money to let other people listen to my music.  I'm sorry.  I always busted my ass to make the house payment when I was touring and trying to force feed my music to people who really would rather hear the latest and greatest version of Maroon 5 or some cover band doing "Brick House" at the local sports bar.  I slept on couches all over the country and nearly missed my kids growing up and ate like crap and got really depressed and hated my life...in an attempt to be famous or get rich or feel loved or something...not even sure what I thought I was trying to prove.  I guess I wanted somebody to tell me I was really cool...honestly no fucking idea what I wanted.

   Now I want to enjoy the remaining years of my life to the best of my ability.  I want to see my children discover a meaning to their lives.  I want to enjoy my garden and raising a few chickens.  I want to play music for myself and enjoy the process of trying to record it well for the sake of making it sound nice.  I want to get the bathroom remodel over so the drain won't leak in the studio.  I don't want to be famous or rich (I'd like to be slightly richER).  I don't want to compete for popularity with young people who really need that to feel complete.  I don't need to be told I'm cool.  I'm not all that cool.  If you think I am you don't get out much.  I'm pretty much a 40 year old nerd/philosopher who violated all of his own personal views on how a life should be lived before I figured out what I needed.  Oh and I write poetry and play guitar (like 50 million other people)

   So back to the reason I wrote this.  If new music from my basement studio ever, in fact, becomes available to the public it will likely arrive at http://jeffersonfox.bandcamp.com although there's a good chance I'll forget to tell anyone.  If you remember to look every few months and you find something interesting please enjoy it and don't bother to ponder why no one else likes it or knows about it.  It doesn't matter.  Just enjoy it.  Have a good life.